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I finish cooking Jason’s eggs and reluctantly pile Hannah and Liam into my green Toyota 4Runner. I never thought I’d be the sort of mom who drove an SUV, especially one so freaking big. I held onto my little Honda Civic even after we had Liam. But then Jason pointed out how hard it was going to be to strap two car seats into the backseat of the Civic, and I knew it was time to upgrade. So we got the SUV. I know this sounds melodramatic, but the first time I saw it parked in my garage, I almost burst into tears. But now I’m used to it. It makes me feel safe, which is important when you’ve got your kids in the car. That’s why when Jason took Liam out for a driving lesson last week, he used the 4Runner.
Hannah has called shotgun, which is unfortunate, because it means that she’s going to be controlling the music in the car. She’s very much partial to music from young men who don’t look like they’re capable of growing facial hair yet.
“Can we please listen to something different?” Liam complains about two minutes into the drive. I have to agree. “Anything else?”
“You know,” Hannah says, “Justin Bieber is an incredibly talented singer.”
“Oh, is he?”
“Yes, he is!” She adjusts her messy ponytail. “He has a phenomenal vocal range.”
Liam smirks. “Sure. That’s what you like about him. His vocal range.”
“So I think he’s cute. So what? It’s not like you’re interested in Olivia for her intelligence.”
Olivia? Who is Olivia? I glance in the rearview mirror just in time to see Liam’s entire face turn red. He has become incredibly skilled at masking his reactions to things, but he couldn’t hide it this time. But when I look away for a moment and check the mirror again, he’s regained his composure.
The car skids to a halt at a red light. “Who is Olivia?” I say as casually as I can manage.
Liam looks out the window. “Nobody. Just a girl.”
But thank God Hannah is in the car with us. “Just a girl?” She snorts. “Liam is totally in love with her.”
He laughs. “No, I’m not.”
“Oh my God, you so are. Don’t even deny it.” Hannah gives me a look, like I’m her new confidante. “You should see the way he looks at her. He’s totally into her.”
“Whatever.”
I glance in the rearview mirror one more time to look at my son. Liam is the most composed sixteen-year-old kid I’ve ever known. That’s why he’s so good at debate, in addition to his natural intelligence and his diligent preparation. He never loses his cool. He never lets anyone know what he’s thinking. But I’ve known him long enough that I can usually tell. Usually.
I’m really glad I’m going to this debate after school. I wanted to see Liam perform. That was the reason I told him I wanted to come. And I meant it. But now I’ve got a new, more important reason for going.
I’ve got to figure out who Olivia is.
And I’ve got to keep something terrible from happening to her.
Chapter 4
Transcript of police interview with Sharon Anderson:
“Can you tell me how you know Liam Cass?”
“He attended kindergarten at the school where I work as principal.”
“For how long did he attend?”
“About four months.”
“And this was eleven years ago?”
“That’s correct.”
“So you still remember a child who attended your school for four months over a decade ago?”
“Yes. I remember Liam. Very well.”
“And what was your impression of him?”
“At first? He seemed like a great kid. Real cute. Smart—certainly the smartest kid in the grade. I remember he got up during assembly and gave this long speech he memorized. I couldn’t believe a kindergartner could remember all that. I was impressed.”
“How come he only attended the school for four months? Isn’t the school year nine months long?”
“Liam was… expelled.”
“A kindergartner was expelled?”
“It’s unusual. But the circumstances called for it.”
“I see. And why was that?”
“There was an incident.”
“Can you describe the incident to me?”
“Yes…”
“Will you please describe the incident, Mrs. Anderson?”
“It was… there was a girl…”
“Yes…?”
“Well, she and Liam were friends. They often played together at recess, or so his teacher told me later. And then one day during recess, the girl… disappeared.”
“I see. And did they find her?”
“Yes. They did. And she was… fine.”
“Where did they find her?”
“Does this have to do with that girl from the high school? The one who…?”
“I’m afraid we can’t discuss it at this time.”
“Yes. Yes, of course. But do you think Liam is the one who…?”
“Once again, Mrs. Anderson, this is not something I can discuss.”
“Of course. I’m sorry.”
“Now can you tell me where they found this girl?”
“So… the story I was told is that Liam and the little girl were playing janitor. They sneaked away and went to the custodial closet during recess. It seems she was quite infatuated with Liam and he talked her into it.”
“And what happened in the custodial closet?”
“They found a roll of duct tape. And they were playing with it.”
“How were they playing with it?”
“…”
“Mrs. Anderson?”
“I’m sorry. It was just… so shocking. I still can’t get over it. That a kindergartner would…”
“Would what?”
“He convinced her to let him bind her wrists with the duct tape. Then he put tape over her mouth. And then…”
“Yes…?”
“Well, we’re not sure what he did next. The one thing we know for sure is he locked her in the closet and walked away. And even when she was noticed to be missing and teachers were looking for her, he didn’t tell anyone where she was. It was several hours later when we finally found her—she was bound on the floor of the closet and refused to speak to anyone. For days, actually.”
“What do you think he did?”
“I don’t know. He was just a little boy. It’s hard to imagine he could have done anything that bad, but the look in that girl’s eyes when we found her…”
“I see.”
“Of course, her parents were hysterical. And given everything that happened, we had no choice but to expel Liam from the school.”
“When you confronted him about what he did, how did he react?”
“He apologized. Of course he did. He claimed it was all just a fun game and she had agreed to it. He even cried. But…”
“But what?”
“But I never believed him. Even when he was sobbing in my office, it seemed incredibly fake. I don’t think he was sorry at all. Not even a little bit. The only thing I think he was sorry about was that we found her.”
Chapter 5
Erika
I make it to the school about sixty seconds after the school bus arrives.
Hannah says a quick goodbye and then darts out of the car. I remember when she was in preschool, how she used to cling to my leg with both arms when I tried to drop her off in the morning. When I would try to leave, she would shriek at the top of her lungs like somebody was trying to murder her. Now if I attempt to even give her a kiss goodbye, she’s mortified beyond all belief.
Liam is the opposite. When he was younger, he never had any trouble at all separating from me when I dropped him off. He would kiss me goodbye and then run off to play without a second thought. And now, he leans forward from the backseat and kisses me on the cheek, oblivious to anyone who might witness this show of affection.
“Bye, Mom.” He opens the back door. “I love you.”
I smile. Liam has an incredible knack
for saying the exact right thing. “I love you too, sweetheart.”
He swings his backpack onto his shoulder and hurries towards the front door before the bell rings. I watch him, looking out for any girl who might be Olivia. Anything that will make my job easier. And this isn’t an easy job. It’s just going to get harder as he gets older.
“Is that Erika Cass in there?”
I jerk my head up. Jessica Martinson is standing outside my car, peering through my cracked open window. I don’t know where she came from, because her car is nowhere in sight. She must have been meeting with somebody within the school, which is not unusual for Jessica, who is head of the PTA. Jessica and I used to be close, years ago, when Liam and her son Tyler used to be friends.
Jessica and I only became close because of Liam and Tyler’s friendship, and we’ve grown apart since the boys stopped spending time together. I have to admit, it concerned me when they stopped being friends. I asked Liam why he didn’t have Tyler Martinson over anymore, and he just shrugged. If it had been Hannah, that question would have sparked an hour-long monologue about everything Tyler had done wrong. But Liam isn’t like that. He doesn’t talk about things the way his sister does.
Kids grow apart. Both of them are older, and they don’t share any clubs or interests in common. Tyler is more popular than Liam, and they run in different circles. Tyler plays football, and Liam does track and debate. Also, Liam doesn’t have any close friends—he doesn’t seem interested in having the sort of tight friendships that other kids have. But I always worried about what caused their friendship to fracture. Growing apart—that’s fine. But it scares me that Liam might have done something to accelerate the demise of their friendship.
It certainly wouldn’t be the first time.
“Actually,” Jessica says, “I’m so glad I saw you, Erika. There’s something I need to speak with you about. It’s urgent.”
Urgent? A knot tightens in my stomach. What’s Liam done this time? “Oh…”
She tucks a strand of her golden blonde hair behind one ear. She has a messy ponytail, like Hannah, but unlike Hannah’s, hers is painfully stylish. “Can we grab some coffee? Do you have time?”
I have a long list of errands to take care of this morning, but I can’t say no. “Sure.”
“Great! How about Charlie’s?”
Charlie’s is a diner about five minutes away from here. Good for a quick cup of coffee in the morning. Jessica and I have met up there dozens of times over the years. “I’ll drive right there.”
She winks at me. “See you in five.”
As Jessica hurries away to her own monster SUV, I look down at my hands gripping the steering wheel. They’re shaking. What does Jessica want to talk to me about? It can’t be that bad, could it? She seems friendly enough. But that’s the thing with Jessica. She could tell you something horrible right to your face with a smile on her lips. I’ve seen her do it before.
I throw my car back into drive and make my way to Charlie’s.
Chapter 6
Olivia
Thanks to Liam Cass, I’m failing math class.
No, I probably won’t fail, but things aren’t looking good for me. I’m good at math—I’ve always gotten A’s, if not an A+. But this semester, I’ll be lucky to swing a C. And it’s all because of Liam. It’s because from the moment I step into the classroom at ten-thirty to when the bell rings forty minutes later, all I can focus on is the boy sitting in front of me.
I’ve never been boy crazy. I can’t say the same for my best friend Madison, who thinks about boys nonstop. Madison has definitely failed classes before because of a cute guy sitting in front of her. She has blown off studying for tests to hang out with the boys she liked. It’s sort of her thing. And I always made fun of her. Like, how could you prioritize a boy over your education? I mean, boys my age are all pretty idiotic and not even that attractive—they mostly have greasy faces and scraggly little beards.
I want to get into a good college—that’s my priority. How could you jeopardize your entire future for a cute guy? That’s so lame.
Then on the first day of school this year, Liam sat down in front of me in math class, turned his head to flash me a smile, and I was gone. He didn’t have a greasy face or patchy facial hair—he was gorgeous. I hate myself for it, but I can’t help ogling him. Every time he smiles at me, my heart speeds up. He has a great smile. And really beautiful brown eyes. His eyes are like creamy, endless pools of milk chocolate. I could write bad poetry about this guy. In another month, I’ll be etching our initials in a heart scratched into the wood of my desk—that’s how bad it is.
We had a test a few days ago, and it was a bona fide disaster. I can’t focus when I’m studying, because the second I crack open the textbook and see sines and cosines, my mind goes to Liam. And of course, I couldn’t focus when I was actually taking the test—not with him sitting right in front of me. I passed by the skin of my teeth—a seventy-two. Liam, who obviously isn’t having any problem at all focusing with little old me behind him, got a ninety-eight.
I’ve got to stop thinking about this boy. He’s just a boy. My education is much more important. I’ve got to focus.
Focus, Olivia.
Except when Liam comes into the classroom today, he’s not wearing his usual jeans and a T-shirt. He’s dressed in nice khaki slacks and a dress shirt. And a tie. Oh my God, he’s wearing a tie. Usually, he’s cute, but in dress clothes, he’s upped his game. It’s like a sneak peek into how handsome he’ll look when he’s an adult. Against my will, my stomach starts doing cartwheels.
Focus, Olivia!
As Liam slides into his seat in front of me, he flashes me that grin that makes my legs weak. “Hey,” he says.
“Hey,” I say back. I search my brain, trying to think of something clever or funny to say. I spend most of math class trying to do that. “You’re all dressed up.”
Good one, Olivia.
“We have a debate today,” he explains. “It’s sort of a big deal. We’re competing against another school.”
“Wow. Are you nervous?”
“A little.” He laughs, although there’s a bit of a tremor in his voice that makes me think he’s more nervous than he lets on. “If we win, we get to go to the state competition up in Albany. That’s pretty cool.”
“What do you do during a debate anyway?”
He scratches at his dark brown hair. “Argue, mostly. It’s sort of fun.” He raises his eyebrows at me. “Do you, um… do you want to come watch?”
“Me?” I say in an embarrassingly squeaky voice.
Oh my God, that was such a stupid thing to say. Obviously he’s inviting me. Who else would he be inviting?
And what does this mean?
“Uh…” His smile slips slightly. “I mean, if you want. It’d probably be pretty boring for you. You probably don’t want to go.”
Oh no, he’s taking it back. “No, it sounds like it could be fun. I don’t have anything else I’m doing.”
That’s an outright lie. I’m supposed to be at chorus practice after school today. But the truth is, I’ve soured on chorus since I didn’t get the last two solos I tried out for. And even if I had, I can’t say no to Liam. This is the first time he’s ever invited me somewhere.
His eyes light up. “That would be great. I mean, if you can come. But if something else comes up, that’s cool too. No big deal.”
I can’t believe it. He actually seems really happy that I’m coming. Oh God, there’s no way I’m going to be able to focus in class now. I’m going to get a terrible grade in math this semester. And the scariest part is, at this moment, I couldn’t care less.
Chapter 7
Erika
As soon as I walk into Charlie’s, I blink my eyes to adjust to the neon lights overhead. Those lights have been flickering for as long as I can remember, but it’s part of the diner’s charm. Just like the plastic tables and ripped bench covers. Charlie’s been around forever and makes no effor
t to hide that fact.
Jessica has already got a table and is sipping on a cup of coffee. I watch her for a moment before approaching the table. I know she’s my age, but she looks fantastic. She’s got the same laugh lines that I do on her face, but somehow she makes them look sexy. She has mastered the casual stay at home mom look, with her T-shirt that boosts the high school football team and the fitted yoga pants, paired with ballet flats. I threw on the first thing my fingers touched when I got into the bedroom to hurriedly get dressed so Hannah and Liam would get to school on time. Mom jeans and a sweater, as it turns out. What can I say—mom jeans are comfortable.
Jessica and I are both essentially stay at home moms, like a lot of other parents out here. You could almost say it’s epidemic. When I met Jason, I was working as a journalist at a newspaper in Manhattan. I was getting paid practically nothing, but there was a lot of upward mobility at the paper, and if I had stayed on, I’d probably have a pretty good job there by now. Maybe I would’ve moved on to a better paper. Maybe I’d be an editor-in-chief. But after I got pregnant, Jason convinced me to move out to the island. I agreed because I was sick of our tiny Manhattan apartment, but once we got to the island, the commute was insane. He pointed out that I didn’t earn even close to the amount we would be paying in child care, and that his income could easily support us.
So I quit. Temporarily.
I had every intention of going back to work after Liam started preschool. But then Hannah came along two years later. And between the two of them, there was always some emergency popping up. Hannah got ear infections every other week, and on the weeks she didn’t get ear infections, she got conjunctivitis. And then there with the whole mess with Liam.
Right now, I work for a local newspaper called the Nassau Nutshell. You can tell by the name that they do a lot of hard-hitting journalism—not. They put out one paper per week, and I contribute a couple of articles, mostly on local events or parenting advice. Last week, I wrote an article featuring three meals you could cook for the whole family in twenty minutes or less. What they pay me each month didn’t even cover the price of the groceries I bought to cook those three meals, but it stimulates my brain and I could write the articles from home. Jason always makes a big fuss when the paper comes out and reads all my articles, and it’s fun to see my byline in print. No, it’s not The New York Times. But it’s something. For now.